The only person you will never be enough for....is a narcissist !

A good way to spot narcissistic behavior in a person is a person who tells you what you want to hear without actually following through, there is always an excuse as to why what they say they will do, they never actually do. Usually the blame is shifted onto external circumstances.

When you decide to speak up and what you say is dismissed. It could be because they don't see what you see. Narcissists often adjust their persona to fit what will benefit them most in any given situation. Their actions in one setting don't reflect how they will act in another setting. This is a common tactic known as gaslighting, where the narcissist twists the truth, denies their behavior, or shifts the focus onto the other person’s actions or emotions to make them seem irrational or untrustworthy.

For example, if a narcissist behaves one way at home (e.g., inactive or disengaged) but acts differently in public (charming or active), they may later deny their behavior at home or blame the other person for misinterpreting it. By doing this, they create confusion and doubt, making the other person feel like they’re the ones lying or overreacting. The narcissist relies on this tactic to maintain control and avoid accountability for their own actions.

We Are Living In A Time Where Satan Doesn't Even Hide Anymore, And The World Still Can't See Him ~

When you realize everything they do, is done on purpose -

{ The best way to put out a fire is to suffocate it }

Controlling your reaction is a super power against narcissists.

The best way to react or respond is not to at all, don't respond, don't react. What they want more than anything is to talk about your reaction rather than the actual problem.

Quit Allowing Yourself To Be Blind - Recognize Evil Ways :

have no moral compass
lack responsibility
lack empathy
greedy
selfish
cruel
full of pride (think they are better than others
pathological liars
deliberately harm others
disrespectful

Ways A Narcissists Punish You

Ways I have witnessed them allow their adult child to punish a new pet :

Isolation - for them this is a form of control - they don't want you to have support from anyone - they want it where you are solely dependent on them
Silent Treatment - ghosting you, refusing all communication while living elsewhere,
Withhold sex, or affection
Projection - they accuse you of the things they actually are - lying, cheating, insecure,immature

they are allowed to get a pet with no intention of taking care of it (EXACTLY LIKE WHAT NARCISSIST DO TO CHILDREN)
they will not give the dog ANY water or food the entire day so that the puppy doesn't need to potty because they are too lazy to take the new puppy outside
the dog can be infested with fleas and they won't bathe it

They create a facade because it's too unbearable for them to live with themselves. They hate themselves, that is why they create this sense of self, and inflated ego, to compensate for how they truly feel about themselves, as well as avoiding the shame they feel. A narcissist wants to convince you that you are all the bad things they actually are. They project onto you that you are selfish, ungrateful, dishonest, manipulative. They accuse you of everything they subconsciously know and hate about themselves. After being told or accused for such a long period of time of what they say you are, you start to believe it and start questioning yourself. When they burden you with all these accusations they start to feel better about themselves because they don't have to carry the weight of those burdens. Once they've made you believe that you are everything they actually are, they can look down on you which helps them feel grandiose - superior to you.

GIVERS (Add Value)

reward
brave
people who spoil people
selfless
will help without being asked
bring energy
serve others
go above and beyond for the people they love
prioritize others
strong

TAKERS (Decrease Value)

punish
cowards
people who are looking to get spoiled
selfish
would never help even if asked
drain energy
use others
will never reciprocate any help given to them
stubborn / lack empathy
prioritize only themselves
weak

Parents of a scapegoated child often make outsiders believe the scapegoat child is ungrateful or selfish, rebellious or disrespectful. I was labeled negative or a complainer, I don't deny that at all, but if people weren't so self absorbed and looked at the big picture they would see...a complainer would never complain if they were treated fairly. That's all I ever wanted from my parents, to be treated fairly. I was never jealous of my sibling like they made people believe. I was jealous that my parents purposely put my sibling on a pedestal in front of my face while I was treated like Cinderella. Now I understand why, and it all makes sense. Narcissistic parents do this purposely, the child who is most compliant - the child who is the most like them, is the one they put on a pedestal. This child is most like the narcissistic parent/s reflecting the same traits as them, this is the "Golden Child".

Loving People Who Will Never Love You Back

A person with NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) are usually the only ones who are not reciprocal in any relationships in their lives due to their self centered nature and lack of empathy.

Loving someone who never intended to love me back has often left me feeling as if I were in one-sided relationships. I was always on the verge of emotional burnout, feeling as though I couldn’t go any further or had nothing left to give. Since I was taught to accept exploitation in place of love, I have allowed nearly everyone in my life to take what they wanted from me without expecting anything in return. I believed that if I hoped for reciprocity, I was giving for the wrong reasons. Only recently did I realize that mutual give-and-take is essential in healthy relationships.People have stood by, watching me drown day after day, yet won’t even throw me a life raft so I can save myself. To 'keep the peace,' I often stay silent, pretending not to notice what’s happening around me. Most of the time, I honestly don’t see it—not because I don’t care, but because I’m so busy loving those around me that I don’t have time to dwell on the ways they might resent me. Some people seem to envy the way I love, and they’d rather watch me go under, knowing they hold that power over my life. It’s as if they think they’re gods, deciding whether I get to rise or fall.

Narcissists often pressure people they've harmed to stay silent. Their primary goal is to maintain control over their image and prevent any exposure of their abusive behavior. Narcissists may use manipulation tactics like guilt, gaslighting, and even threats to keep their victims quiet. This enables them to avoid accountability and maintain a favorable reputation in the eyes of others.Narcissists are highly focused on their public image and often fear that if the people they’ve hurt speak out, it could expose their true nature. They may convince others that sharing their experience is wrong, selfish, or a betrayal. Sometimes, they’ll position themselves as victims or attempt to discredit anyone who speaks against them, framing any pushback as disloyal or unfair.Their tactics can make victims feel isolated, doubting their own experiences and even wondering if they're at fault for the abuse. This is why it can be so challenging for people to find the strength to speak up after experiencing narcissistic harm.

When You Confide In The Wrong Person

It's important to remember when you decide to speak up and confide in a person but they don't see anything wrong with the harmful behavior the narcissist is exhibiting.Your feelings are valid, you deserve to be heard, and it's okay to distance yourself from those who cannot validate or understand your experience, seek support elsewhere.

Fear of Conflict: The person may avoid confrontation and defend the narcissist to keep the peace, even if they secretly recognize the narcissistic behaviors. They may fear retaliation or negative consequences if they challenge the narcissist.

Manipulation or Gaslighting: Narcissists are skilled at manipulating others, and someone who defends a narcissist may have been gaslighted or emotionally manipulated into believing that the narcissist's behavior is justified or not as bad as it seems.

Lack of Awareness: Some people may not fully understand narcissism or its impact. They may not see the narcissistic behaviors as manipulative or toxic, and they might genuinely believe the narcissist's version of events.

Enmeshment or Dependence: In some cases, the person defending the narcissist may be emotionally or financially dependent on them. They may feel trapped in the relationship and believe that defending the narcissist is the only way to maintain their connection or avoid consequences.

Desire for Approval: In families or close relationships, some people may defend a narcissist out of a desire for validation or approval from them. They might want to stay in the narcissist’s good graces or be seen as loyal, even at the cost of their own integrity.

Low Self-Esteem or Insecurity: Someone with low self-esteem may feel like they need to align with the narcissist to gain affection or attention. They might think that defending the narcissist will help them maintain some sort of emotional connection, even if it means enabling harmful behavior.

In situations involving narcissistic behavior or family dynamics it may be easier for someone to make excuses for or defend the narcissist's actions rather than investigate the deeper patterns of manipulation or emotional harm.

Family Dynamics In Narcissistic Households

Narcissistic parents often compare their children to make the scapegoated child, or the "black sheep", realize they don't measure up or aren't anything like the parent.Which is why subconsciously the scapegoat realizes in order to be noticed they have to be a perfectionist. The family dynamics in narcissistic households can lead to these outcomes, though individual responses can vary.

The Scapegoat as a Perfectionist: Scapegoated children are often subjected to intense criticism, blame, and unfair comparisons to the golden child. As a result, they may develop perfectionistic tendencies, striving to “earn” approval or avoid further criticism. This can lead to a constant need to prove themselves and to feel “good enough.” Unfortunately, even if they meet high standards, they rarely receive the validation they seek, as the parents continue to undermine their efforts. Over time, this pressure can contribute to anxiety, self-doubt, or burnout.

The Golden Child and Narcissistic Traits: The golden child is idealized and often encouraged to see themselves as “better” than their siblings, which can foster entitlement and a lack of empathy. Some golden children may internalize these messages and develop narcissistic traits themselves, particularly if they begin to value themselves based on external validation, admiration, or superiority. They may also learn to manipulate or control others to maintain their favored status. However, not all golden children become narcissists; some eventually recognize the dysfunctional family dynamics and seek healthier perspectives as they grow.

Both roles involve emotional manipulation that affects children’s self-perception and relationships into adulthood. Some people eventually break free from these roles through self-reflection, therapy, or distance from their families, while others may struggle with these imprinted dynamics.

Many scapegoated children eventually realize they will never be “enough” for their narcissistic parents. No matter what they do, nothing will ever satisfy the parent’s impossible standards. This painful realization often comes in adulthood, allowing the scapegoat to stop seeking approval and start focusing on their own self-worth and boundaries.

When you have allowed yourself to believe what you were taught your entire life your fear gets the best of you and you set out on a journey to discover if you are a narcissist or not - while occasionally I display more narcissistic traits than I'd like, I have NEVER wished harm on my children, wanted my children to fail in life to prevent them from becoming more than me, or loved one more than the other. I would never do something for one child that I would not do for the other. I wish I were a mind reader and could always be there anytime either of them needed me, but unfortunately I can only help when I am asked.

Mothering While Unlearning The Only Life I've Ever Known

"Actions speak louder than words" is a quote my son has tattooed, but it’s hard to fully accept these words, especially when it comes to people who were supposed to love and protect you—your parents. For many, this may seem straightforward. But growing up in a home where I was punished simply for being different, I learned early on what it meant to be the black sheep.

I’ve always valued honesty, integrity, and the belief that people shouldn’t be used for personal gain. I never looked at my children as a means to satisfy my needs. I've done my best to support them, encouraging both to pursue lives they could enjoy and feel proud of. And though I’ve made mistakes along the way, I take responsibility for any ways I’ve fallen short as a mom. My love for them is endless, and I will always strive to be better for their sake.

Being a parent while unlearning the only life I've ever known has been the most difficult thing I have ever conquered. Parenting an adult son who’s independent and never asks for anything versus a daughter who asks me to babysit and lets me do things for her is a challenge especially for me as a worrier. I never want my Son to think I love his Sister more, simply because of the way I was raised. It feels strange to admit that I don’t always know how to show love without being needed—it’s as if love meant doing rather than simply being there. Perhaps this stems from a childhood belief that love was conditional on what I could provide, but I’m learning to understand love beyond this. I pray my son sees that my love has never changed, even if I’m not as outwardly involved in his life.

A Mother's Sacrifice For The Sake Of My Children

I wish I would’ve known then what I know now so I wouldn’t have exposed my kids to that level of toxicity. I believed that just because my parents couldn’t love me, didn’t mean they couldn’t love my children. I could never have hurt my kids by cutting ties simply because I felt unloved as a child. I wanted them to have grandparents, and I put their needs before my own feelings.

In all honesty it wasn't until 2019 when I finally freed myself from always being around my parents that I began to remember many events from my childhood . I realized the feelings I had, hadn't just surfaced - It was lifelong, something I had always felt and seen. I knew I couldn't address the hurt I felt until both my children graduated. Cutting all contact would mean my parents might not attend their graduation and I didn't want that for my kids. They mean more to me than addressing what I did or didn't receive in my own childhood.

I knew my feelings were real, and that I felt the way I did for a reason. But I had been taught my whole life to doubt myself and my emotions. I was constantly told I was dramatic, that I was jealous of my sibling, so in the back of my mind, I questioned whether that was true. Deep down, though, I knew it wasn’t. I knew I had issues to work through, but I didn’t even fully understand what the word ‘narcissist’ meant, or the extent of healing I would need. I just knew that I couldn’t begin this process until my kids were graduated and settled away from me. I didn’t want them to witness the pain my parents caused me, hearing me cry, see me struggle through long hours of reading about narcissism, or the days depression and anxiety paralyze me and I am unable to even get out of bed. I needed to protect them from that.

Narcissistic Parents And Suicidal Thoughts / Attempts

It wasn't until an outsider pointed out that my parents had watched me die - when I attempted suicide - for an hour before help was called, along with their nonchalant reaction to me being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, that I had to come to terms with: these are not people I want in my life.

Research shows that children of narcissistic parents can be at a higher risk for self-harm and suicidal thoughts or attempts. Narcissistic parenting often involves emotional neglect, manipulation, and even outright abuse, all of which can severely impact a child's mental health.

Here are a few factors that contribute to this elevated risk:

Chronic Emotional Abuse: Narcissistic parents may use their children to fulfill their own emotional needs, often belittling or invalidating their feelings. This can create a sense of worthlessness in the child, making them believe they’re unlovable or inherently flawed.

Lack of Emotional Support: Children of narcissistic parents often lack healthy emotional support. They’re not taught how to process emotions or cope with stress, which can lead to despair and a feeling of isolation.

Identity Confusion: Narcissistic parents may impose their own desires and expectations on their children, leaving little room for the child to form a healthy, autonomous identity. This confusion and lack of self-identity can contribute to feelings of hopelessness and depression.

Chronic Stress and Anxiety: Constantly trying to meet the unreasonable expectations of a narcissistic parent can lead to heightened anxiety and stress. Over time, this emotional exhaustion can contribute to suicidal ideation, as it may seem like an escape from ongoing pain.

Emotional Gaslighting and Manipulation: Narcissistic parents often invalidate their children's perceptions, leading them to doubt their own reality. This gaslighting can make children feel as though their struggles aren’t valid or that there’s something wrong with them for feeling the way they do, which may amplify feelings of hopelessness.

Limited Coping Mechanisms: Without proper emotional support and validation, children may not develop effective coping skills, which are essential for resilience. As a result, they may be more vulnerable to extreme emotional responses, including suicidal thoughts, especially during challenging times.

Studies have found higher rates of depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation among individuals with a history of emotional abuse, including those raised by narcissistic parents. Although not every child of a narcissistic parent will experience these outcomes, the toxic environment associated with narcissistic abuse can certainly increase the risk.

There Is More Bad Than Good In This World

You have to be attentive to every person in your life, family or not. It is hard for some of us to believe there are people in this world who will befriend you simply because you have something they want. They’re jealous of you for things that don’t even make sense to good, non-narcissistic people.

The world a scapegoat or truth-teller lives in, is one I have known for the past 48 years. I was punished for being honest, punished for going above and beyond for the people I love. I was punished for being a Mother to my children and especially for the way I care for & love them.

All humans possess some level of toxicity at times, as no one is perfect. What matters is recognizing any negative behaviors, seeking to change them and striving to develop healthier ways of interacting with others, as well as themselves.

It can be incredibly hard for the human brain to comprehend that people who are closest to us, particularly family or those we love, can sometimes exhibit harmful or even evil behavior toward us. This is especially true when we have spent our lives trusting and relying on them, believing that love and loyalty are inherent in close relationships.The difficulty arises because the brain is wired to expect love and support from those we are closest to. When these expectations are shattered by toxic or harmful behavior, it creates a deep emotional conflict. It’s hard to reconcile the person who is supposed to love and protect you with someone who may wish harm or act in ways that undermine your well-being. The cognitive dissonance between what we expect from loved ones and the reality of their actions can be emotionally overwhelming and difficult to process.Additionally, people who behave in this way often hide their true intentions behind manipulation or deceit, which makes it even harder to recognize the toxicity for what it is. The mind may struggle to fully accept that someone you trust could have malicious intentions, especially when they've conditioned you to doubt yourself or blame yourself for their actions.This is one of the reasons why it can take time to understand and heal from such relationships—it’s not just the pain of betrayal, but also the mental and emotional effort to make sense of behaviors that feel completely counter to what love and loyalty should be.

Identifying People Who Have Harmful Or Toxic Tendencies

Every person in your life should have a reason to be there—whether it's mutual respect, love, shared values, or positive support. Relationships should feel fulfilling and contribute to your well-being, and it’s important to surround yourself with people who encourage your growth, not hinder it.

Identifying people who may have harmful or toxic tendencies, here are some early signs that could indicate someone, even family, may have malicious or “evil” intentions:

Consistent Manipulation or Gaslighting: People who gaslight (make you doubt your reality or feel crazy) or manipulate situations to control others are showing early signs of toxicity. If they frequently twist facts, deny things they’ve said or done, or make you feel like you're always at fault, that’s a red flag.

Lack of Empathy: One of the most telling signs of someone with harmful tendencies is a lack of empathy. If they seem unable or unwilling to understand your feelings, dismiss your struggles, or take pleasure in your pain (even in subtle ways), they may have toxic traits.

Disrespecting Boundaries: People who don't respect your personal boundaries, whether physical, emotional, or psychological, are showing a disregard for your well-being. They might push you to do things you're not comfortable with or dismiss your needs for space and autonomy.

They Are Self-Centered: Narcissistic or toxic people often make everything about themselves. They rarely listen to others, and conversations tend to revolve around them. They may also downplay your achievements or needs to make themselves feel superior.

They Only Take, Never Give: if someone never offers to help and consistently takes without giving back, it’s a sign of a parasitic relationship. Genuine relationships are built on reciprocity—helping each other when needed, offering support, and sharing responsibilities.

They’re Critical or Judgmental: People who constantly criticize or belittle you, especially about things that are outside your control (like appearance or past mistakes), can be emotionally damaging. Early signs of a toxic person might include subtle put-downs or remarks designed to make you feel small.

They Disregard Your Well-Being for Their Own Gain: Toxic people, even family, may prioritize their desires or needs over yours, regardless of the consequences. If you notice they repeatedly expect you to sacrifice your well-being for their comfort or benefit, it’s a sign of unhealthy behavior.

A person who never offers to help—especially in moments when you need support—can be a significant red flag. While not everyone has the capacity or knowledge to help in every situation, a person who shows no interest in offering help, whether emotional, physical, or mental, may be focused solely on their own needs and might not genuinely care about yours.

Family members can sometimes be the hardest to recognize in this context because we often expect them to act with love and concern. However, recognizing unhealthy dynamics, even with family, is crucial to protecting yourself and your well-being.If you’re dealing with people who exhibit these behaviors, it’s important to set boundaries and, when necessary, distance yourself for your own emotional health, even if they are family.