When a child grows up with toxic parents, denying reality often becomes a survival mechanism—and for them, it feels "normal." If every request they make is met with rejection or hostility, they internalize the idea that their needs and desires are wrong or unimportant. In an environment where love is conditional and emotional responses are met with criticism or dismissal, they suppress their feelings and adopt denial as a way to shield themselves from constant hurt.

         Over time, they come to accept the dysfunction, manipulation, and rejection as part of life. They might convince themselves their pain isn’t valid or that they are somehow to blame for not meeting impossible expectations. Denial becomes a form of self-protection—a way to navigate the confusion and emotional neglect of a toxic home. It’s not only understandable but also common for children in these circumstances to distort reality as a coping mechanism, as confronting the full truth feels unbearable.

          As adults, however, this ingrained denial can make it difficult to recognize what is healthy or fair. They may struggle with self-worth, feeling undeserving of unconditional love and care, or dismissing their own emotions and needs as insignificant. Breaking free from this cycle often requires unlearning the survival strategies that once kept them safe but now keep them trapped in patterns of mistrust and self-doubt.

When Reality Is Denied, So Is the Self

          Imagine a child growing up in an environment where they are constantly denied reality, invalidated, and made to feel as if they are of no importance. Every day, they are shown—whether through actions, words, or neglect—that only their parent or caregiver’s needs matter. When they express pain, it is minimized; when they share emotions, they are dismissed or even ridiculed. And when they try to simply be themselves, they are teased or bullied, left to wonder if they are truly unlovable.

          At first, the child may cry, protest, or try to make sense of the unfairness. But over time, they learn that nothing they do changes the outcome. Their emotions, no matter how intense, are treated as inconvenient or wrong. Faced with this relentless invalidation, their mind begins to adapt—not by fixing the situation, which is beyond their control, but by shielding them from it.

          The child’s brain begins to construct a fortress of defense mechanisms. Dissociation becomes their escape route, allowing them to mentally drift away when reality is too painful to bear. In those moments, it feels as if they are watching their life from a distance, safely removed from the pain they cannot express. Trauma denial steps in, helping them rewrite the narrative in their mind: It’s not that bad. Maybe it’s my fault. If I’m better, maybe they’ll love me. These thoughts aren’t truths—they’re survival tools, desperately trying to protect the fragile hope that their caregivers might one day provide the love and safety they need.

          As the years pass, these defense mechanisms do their job too well. The child’s mind buries the unbearable moments deep within, locking them away to keep the pain from overwhelming them. The memories of their childhood become fragmented, or disappear altogether, not because they didn’t happen, but because their mind decided it was safer not to remember.

          By the time this child grows up, they may find that they cannot recall much of their early years. The laughter, the tears, the small but important moments—they’re all buried beneath the layers of denial and dissociation that once kept them safe. But the cost of this protection is a deep disconnection from their own story, as though their childhood belongs to someone else entirely. And all of this stems from being denied reality, invalidated, and made to feel as if they never truly mattered in the eyes of the people who were supposed to love them most.

Does Living in Trauma Denial Mean I Didn’t Love My Kids ?

Is the Numbness in Your Body a Result of Emotional Pain or                    High Cortisol Levels?

Have you ever experienced a strange numbness in your body, only to wonder what’s causing it? This unsettling sensation could stem from excessive emotional pain or chronic stress leading to high cortisol levels—often the byproducts of a relationship with a narcissist. Understanding the root cause of this numbness is crucial to healing both your body and mind.

Reclaim Your Body and Peace of Mind ~ Begin your healing journey today, one step at a time.

Living with a narcissist can take a profound toll on your body and emotions, but you have the power to break free from this cycle. By understanding the causes of numbness and taking steps to address both the physical and emotional impacts of stress, you can begin to heal and reclaim control over your well-being.